vh1 Soul....pretty wings....

so. I'm pretty much done with my junior year but yet I'm still sitting here pondering the past. I recently put up a status talking about how DRY my life in Va has been. Booskies leave and go but I never found that one that I wanted to claim back in California. People asking me, do you have a boyfriend? Who is the lucky guy? but I really cant get the nerve to tell any positive things about the men I've dated.

vh1 soul is playing in the background and I see all these artists and musicians expressing true love. Right now I'm really feeling "pretty wings" by Maxwell. I still dream of the day when I will wake up to someone that I am really in love with. I want to float my pretty wings one day knowing that he is there or me. . .

I'm turning 21...like next week and I still havent had a real boyfriend. So therefore I'm still dreaming.

Forget all this dating crap, I need to find my soulmate, my lover.

India. Arie has been keeeping me seign all week.

I cant express myself like i want to anymore.

I feel like my emotions are shot.

So India. Arie is helping me bring back that passion.

Friday Morning Thoughts

I'm supposed to be studying right now but um, who cares. Some things just been going through my mind lately and its the fact that I tend to settle lately. I dont set my expectations for MEN as high as i should be doing. Maybe its because I'm lonely and sometimes in order to get that attention I need to let my gaurd down. I'm not even talking about in a hoe way. But actually in a step out of my box way.

For example, I recently took a different approach to finding guys. But it confused to the shit outta me cause I kept trying to figure out if he was into me or someone else. And I'm not talking about women...ugh....I dont even know why I thought I could be the type of girl to figure stuff out like that or even want to. It only has frustrated me and I basically given up cause there is no use trying to change a person's perception. If he dont like me, then he doesnt. I just find it weird the reason why he prolly not into me, and I'm not going to figure that out.

Okay another thing thats bothering me, I guess I should be flattered that possibly your boyfriend wants to lowkey be with me. But I feel like I dont need to be everyone's fantasy. This past week I have been called untouchable and now I understand why. This guy expressed his feelings for me and I couldnt even reject them. Not only does he have a girlfriend but he so persistent. All I do is be myself and for some reason that is all I need to do to attract this weird attention. I'm still debating if I like it, but I am not the disrespectful type AT ALL to act on it. If my dude was having secret crushes on other women I'd be pissed. For now I will just enjoy this attention cause I clearly dont get it from the guys I REALLY LIKE.

BLAH.

Growing Pains

I'm in pain.

Emotional my heart cant breathe

My mind is physically causing these pains

Restless sleeping

wishing and waiting and hoping

putting it all together in hopes to emotionally detach myself from something. . .

something that slowly eats away my soul

slowly makes me feel that I am not as good as the other

or as bad as you want me to be

The pain runs through my viens and after every sip

and every puff...

The pain slowly exhales

But only for that moment I am painLESS

Less tired, less focused on my reason for my presence for my existence

for my life. ..

I speak these words and I talk this game

but when I start to feel that pain again. . .

I begin to wish and to wait to hope

that finally I breathe again.

Girl its Photoshoot. . .but wait. . .

YOUR TRACK IS SHOWING!

ok so today I had revelation, I was sitting in class today and a girl was in front of me just a brushing and flippin her hair. It was so distracting to me because I kept noticing her bits of hair sticking out and there was STRING dangling from her SCALP. Being a black women, I know that we are sensitive about her hair so if i was to tap her and be like "bitch cover that shit up" (but in a nice way) she would turned around and try to rip my naps out my head. I dont even have a weave but I woulda needed one after we got thru fighting LoL.

I have no problem with weave whatsoever, they are just apart of life and I've learned to accept them and use them sparingly. But when it has become your lifestyle and you begin to hide your identity underneath a full headed weave or you try to put in a few tracks to add length but your hair isnt long enough to cover the sting?! then honey, we have a problem. TAKE IT OUT!

I think women are so caught up in this long and flowing hair that they think that they can magically transform it with a 9.99 milky way pack and a roomate on your dorm floor. Negative. I feel that if you want to achieve the celebrity look and you want it to be an everyday hairstyle PLEASE invest in it. Treat your hair like its life or death. Do you want to die with a bad weave? no. LoL (sorry im laughing in the library)

Take the time to learn your hair texture, what products to use, and what type of hair color or brand that best blends with your hair. A hairstylist is key when adding tracks to your head. Although ya girlfriend is only gonna charge you $20 for half of head, it will only but what its worth, 20 hours....and then poof be gone, you will be sitting in front of me and I will be writing about you in my blog.

Lmao.

If you have a VAGINA please leave me alone.

I hate females. well i take that back cause like 2 of my bestfriends have vaginas but no, omg. I've just been thinking about all the guys I've dated and the reasons why I'm not with them to this day and it has to do with another BITCH. Either he cheated on me for a female or the female's jealousy caused me not to even want to continue liking him.

I have friends, male friends lots of them. Most of them are wifed up but more importantly they treat me like their bestfriend. I do not invade their relationship, its really not my fault if they ask me for advice about their girlfriends. But when I have to deal with jealous girls who hate on me because their relationship with their man is not on the level as me, it gets IRRITATING. Especially when I actually do like a guy, its like females already think its a competition to get him over me. I dont even care most of the time, because he ends up diggin me and ditchin YOU.

I'm not gonna toot my horn too hard, but ummm....my persona is pretty fab and I do attract alot of people in my life. My mom just got done telling me that my brother and I are the most sociable young people she has ever encounted in her whole life and she works with students ages 14-25.

I dont know, I guess you can say that I just hate the jealousy right now and its only making me think because I have a WEIRD ASS CRUSH right now. so yeah, im done.

Your Queen Has Spoken.

I need Love. The End.