India. Arie has been keeeping me seign all week.

I cant express myself like i want to anymore.

I feel like my emotions are shot.

So India. Arie is helping me bring back that passion.

Friday Morning Thoughts

I'm supposed to be studying right now but um, who cares. Some things just been going through my mind lately and its the fact that I tend to settle lately. I dont set my expectations for MEN as high as i should be doing. Maybe its because I'm lonely and sometimes in order to get that attention I need to let my gaurd down. I'm not even talking about in a hoe way. But actually in a step out of my box way.

For example, I recently took a different approach to finding guys. But it confused to the shit outta me cause I kept trying to figure out if he was into me or someone else. And I'm not talking about women...ugh....I dont even know why I thought I could be the type of girl to figure stuff out like that or even want to. It only has frustrated me and I basically given up cause there is no use trying to change a person's perception. If he dont like me, then he doesnt. I just find it weird the reason why he prolly not into me, and I'm not going to figure that out.

Okay another thing thats bothering me, I guess I should be flattered that possibly your boyfriend wants to lowkey be with me. But I feel like I dont need to be everyone's fantasy. This past week I have been called untouchable and now I understand why. This guy expressed his feelings for me and I couldnt even reject them. Not only does he have a girlfriend but he so persistent. All I do is be myself and for some reason that is all I need to do to attract this weird attention. I'm still debating if I like it, but I am not the disrespectful type AT ALL to act on it. If my dude was having secret crushes on other women I'd be pissed. For now I will just enjoy this attention cause I clearly dont get it from the guys I REALLY LIKE.

BLAH.

Growing Pains

I'm in pain.

Emotional my heart cant breathe

My mind is physically causing these pains

Restless sleeping

wishing and waiting and hoping

putting it all together in hopes to emotionally detach myself from something. . .

something that slowly eats away my soul

slowly makes me feel that I am not as good as the other

or as bad as you want me to be

The pain runs through my viens and after every sip

and every puff...

The pain slowly exhales

But only for that moment I am painLESS

Less tired, less focused on my reason for my presence for my existence

for my life. ..

I speak these words and I talk this game

but when I start to feel that pain again. . .

I begin to wish and to wait to hope

that finally I breathe again.